AITA for road raging?
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AITA for road raging?
Let's talk about road rage crimes
Welcome back to another week of the AITApod newsletter!
This week it’s a GTV about taking off pants and swimming, an AITA Everywhere about road rage, and a juice of the week that will have you saying “damn, son!” Here we go!
Enjoy :)
Guess The Verdict
AITA for taking off my pants to go swimming and making my friends uncomfortable?
OP (26M) took a trip to Colorado with his friends (all 24-27, M and F).
The friends drank and played Truth or Dare. OP was dared to swim in the lake behind the house they rented (it is the middle of winter).
OP dove into the lake in his underwear. After he showered and put on warm clothes, his friends told him that he should have put on a bathing suit.
OP pointed out that neither he nor any of his friends had brought bathing suits on the trip.
The girls told him he should have worn all his clothes or put on a pair of shorts.
The consensus was that if it had been all guys it would have been okay, but since there were girls present it wasn’t okay.
Community’s Guess:
My Guess:
This is a tough one. Based on the title alone, NTA. After reading through it, I’m sticking with NTA. Given the nature of the dare, it’s kind of assumed that a person isn’t going to dive into the water fully clothed. I personally would never expect someone to do that, especially because I’m an anxious person and I’d be afraid of the clothing dragging them down in the water and making it harder for them to swim to the shore. To me it’s a little bit of a hazard, but again, I’m an anxious person. The real solution to this, to me, would be that the girls say something before he goes out to the lake like, “Do you have a swim suit? Or you should grab some gym shorts!” And, if those two things are not options, I’d simply *look away.* It’s understandable to not want to see your friends in their underwear, but I don’t think it’s fair to make OP seem like the bad guy here when they were just having a good (tipsy) time, and there were other solutions to their discomfort.
Danny’s Guess:
NTA taking off your pants in front of your friends isn’t inherently sexual. Besides, the difference between underwear and bathing suits is pretty negligible. Heck, there’s definitely bathing suits that are more revealing than underwear!
Reddit Verdict: NTA
Top Comment:
“They sound dramatic as hell. You acted on a dare to jump into what I bet was a frickin cold lake in the middle of the night. Being encumbered by a full set of soaking wet clothes may well have made it even more dangerous. NTA.” - Cha_r_ley
Final Verdict: NTA.
OP’s friends insisted that he’s the one that ruined the night, but ultimately, they ruined their own night. You could blame them for daring him to jump in the lake. You could blame them for not speaking up before he undressed. You could blame them for making a fuss about it afterwards. You could even blame the alcohol! No matter how you look at it, OP is not the one that “ruined” the night. It was a group effort.
Danny’s Verdict
What the heck is wrong with this friend group? OP is DARED to jump in a lake, he does so in his underwear in the cover of night, and then, wrapped in a blanket, these people have the audacity to bring up what he wore? Even if OP jumped in nude, the fact that it’s in the wilderness and at night has to be a factor here. This is a far cry from showing off the goods. The notion that it “ruined” the night is absolutely histrionic. I can’t help but feel that OP is the only daring person in this friend group and upon his return to coward base camp, everyone had to take him down a peg because of their own insecurity.
AITA Everywhere
AITA for having road rage?
You’d be hard stuck trying to find a driver that hasn’t had road rage from time to time. People driving slow or stupid, almost causing crashes. The road and the internet are two places where people will shamelessly berate someone for what they are doing. I sometimes find myself getting angry at a slow driver, and glancing into their window only to learn realize they’re an elderly person. Woops. Turns out, I’m not the only one getting mad on the road.
Over the last few years there has been an increase in road rage violence.
82% of people admitted to acting out in their road rage (The Zebra).
20% of millennials admitted to driving slower to annoy impatient drivers (The Zebra).
NHTSA’s Fatality Analysis Reporting System states that there was about one deadly accident caused by road rage per day in 2016 (The Zebra).
Road rage is technically illegal. This may include aggressive driving, swerving, running someone off the road, shooting a gun into another car, and brake checking (The Zebra).
While most road rage incidents are simply the honking of a horn, the American Psychological Association links about 30 murders to road rage each year (The Zebra).
My Opinion:
While I normally come out of road rage feeling justified in my anger, or pacified by flipping other drivers off and brake checking them, I think this one deserves a YTA. While it’s easy to get caught up in other peoples’ road rage and impatience, it’s also easy to ignore by simply focusing on something else, like music or a podcast (preferably this one), and letting an angry driver be angry on their own. Just like on the internet, people have something to hide behind when they are on the road. You can’t see their faces unless you really try. When someone is driving slower than you want them to, or faster than you want them to, it might be worth considering what that person might be going through or what their situation is instead of getting angry and impatient. The roads would be a safer place if everyone minded their own business and had patience with one another.
Danny’s Opinion:
Something I’ve been thinking about recently: don’t be in a rush. When we’re in a rush because we’re running late or we’re simply too dang busy, all the joy is taken from life. Being in a climate-controlled vehicle really isn’t that bad despite traffic, assholes, or whatever. As Jenna said, we all have pods and music, but when we’re in a rush, all the simple pleasures of life are rendered useless because we simply MUST go. GO GO GO. How much road rage, frustration, stress, and anxiety could be avoided by simply leaving early? A lot. YTA if you’re freaking out on the streets, and a HUGE YTA if you’re endangering anyone. Leave early. Chill out. Enjoy the ride.
Juice of the Week
Dear Annie: Grieving Son Defames Father
OP’s husband recently passed away. Husband’s son, Dan, had a lot of negative things to say about his father.
OP stated that while husband had his faults, he was loved and respected by many.
OP wrote to Dan expressing her hurt and distaste for what he had said. Dan has not responded, months after receiving the message.
OP does not want to send Dan the usual birthday gift and card, and does not want contact with him at all. However, OP is wondering whether or not to send Dan’s wife and children birthday gifts. OP stated that they live out of state, and she has not spent much time with them in the past.
Annie’s Response:
Annie reminded OP that everyone grieves in their own way. She said that hopefully Dan will consider counseling to resolve his emotions towards his father, and that OP should leave the door open for communication in the hopes that they can reconnect in the future. Annie also said to continue sending birthday gifts to Dan’s wife and children, as they are an extension of OP’s late husband and she might regret not doing so.
My Opinion:
Reading this scenario, I was reminded of a strange phenomenon that occurs when people have to say goodbye, in which they become angry and hostile towards the person leaving in order to make it easier. I think that Annie is on the right track. Everyone grieves in their own way. Perhaps Dan’s bitterness and rage towards his father is his way of making it easier to say goodbye.
As you readers may have realized by now, I have endless TV clips to compare things to. This phenomenon is demonstrated really well in Friends, Season 6, episode 6.
This fight between OP and her stepson is part of her grieving journey as well. I think it’s okay for OP to refrain from sending gifts to Dan, especially since she still hasn’t quite forgiven him for the thing he said. But sending gifts to the wife and kids is a small gesture that opens the line of communication and can be an olive branch of sorts. Better to build bridges than to burn them.
Danny’s Opinion:
I am concerned at the one-size-fits-all nature of this claim, “we all grieve in our own way.” Fine. But it’s also fully possible that such hostility and anger is very valid and was only realized upon this person’s death since now, it will certainly never be resolved.
My usual parent rules apply even in death and I think even though OP is a stepmom, she made this about herself and how her feelings were hurt. Why? You weren’t being attacked, lady. It’s one thing to defend your late partner, but to be hurt on their behalf? Spare me the drama, honey.
Stepmom needed to either cork it or approach the son with curiosity and care. It wasn’t her place to express hurt to him here. He’s entitled to those feelings. She tried to invalidate them by saying she was hurt, even labeling them as “hurtful.” But they weren’t directed at you. You can’t be the victim by proxy, hun. YTA. Kids are allowed to hate on their parents. If what was said were malicious lies, then state the truth, but notice a key thing OP did not say: that it was untrue. Yikes.